Flying Tape

I told you about the cashier at K-Mart.

I told you about the thief who sells lawn furniture hardware at night.

Still no hardware.


My Mother-In-Law called me from K-Mart to tell me they had some lawn furniture on display. Not exactly like mine but close. She thought maybe the screws, bolts, whatever…would fit the new set I just purchased.

I was off work the next day and decided to pay them a visit.

I gathered up my screwdrivers…phillips, flat and the square head metric thing, and headed for K-Mart.

Cause I was totally gonna remove the screws from the “not like mine” set and take them home to see if they fit my set.

I mean, really, it’s not like I’m stealing or anything. I bought the lawn furniture set and it didn’t come with the hardware to assemble it. If anything, they have stolen from me. Who would buy a set of lawn furniture, knowing, there is no hardware to put it together? You know, someone in that store knows what happened to the missing hardware.

Of course, the “lawn furniture hardware thief” could be disguised as an employee.

Okay, I can’t resist. I’m gonna describe to you what my over active imagination has dreamed up.

A thief with box cutter and tape in hand, and maybe a flashlight. Cutting the boxes open, reaching in and then standing on his head inside the box, which is what you would have to do to get that little bag of hardware out of the box without removing the furniture itself. He would have to have big pockets in his pants to store all those lawn furniture hardware bags. Jingled when he walked. Walked a little slow, cause the weight would wear him down after awhile. Don’t you think?

He would have to have the “cut box open, stand on head, grab the hardware bag, stuff it in his pocket, tape the box back up”, down to a science, in order to keep from getting caught. Imagine walking up on that scene. It would be kinda funny to watch, if you think about it. Arms and legs and tape flying all over the place. heh heh


It’s not like an employee would see me removing the hardware anyway. There is never a person in the lawn and garden department when you need them. Except, maybe, a cashier that could care less where anything is.

I entered K-Mart, walked to the lawn and garden department, found the set on display and began to inspect the hardware. It kinda looked like mine, not sure though if the hardware is the same size or not.

Everytime I pulled out a screwdriver…

A customer walked by. Dangit!

I looked around for one of those “I’m a K-Mart employee” vests. I thought I could stick it on and look like an employee long enough to get the screws out and into my pocket.

No luck. Dangit!

I hem hawed around awhile. Walked away. Came back, looked the furniture over again.

You know, any other time, there wouldn’t be a soul around that area. I mean garden season is about over. Right?

Not that day. I guess God was keeping me honest. Even though they owe me some lawn furniture hardware.

I left. Still unhappy. But I left the building.

So we’re still sitting in the yard squashing ants and swatting grasshoppers.

Wanna join us?


I didn’t think so.