The Question Is Simple

While I love spring and all the newness that comes with it. The budding and blooming, birds singing, baby critters exploring unfamiliar territory. The cold winter winds being replaced by the warm spring sunshine.

No pictures today. Only words from my heart. If you never read another post I write, please read this one.

This time of year is also the hardest for me.

It is the time of year that I lost both of my parents. Just three years ago.

Dad in March and Mom four weeks later in April.

Although I knew Dad was in the final days of his life, no amount of preparation is enough for the end.

And I knew that Mom would not stick around long after Dad’s death. I didn’t expect her to give up so soon.

The feelings that followed were not expected. They were, and continue to be something I experience.  Although it gets easier, it is never obsolete.

The loneliness and emptyness are something I cannot get used to.

Sure, I have The Captain, my kids and grandkids, whom I love dearly.

But there is an emptyness that follows after losing both your parents that I cannot put into words.

From the day you are born, they are always there. A place to share the joys and triumphs in life. And a place to run for solace when things aren’t so joyous.

A shoulder to cry on, a sounding board, your own personal advice counselor. Forever sharing an unquestionable  love, a love between parent and child that is like no other.

Calming your fears and sharing your tears.

Then they are gone.

They’re no longer there to call and share good news. To calm you when your teetering on the edge. To tell you to look for that silver lining in the dark cloud hovering above.

And no one to help you look after a brother who has never looked after himself, causing him health problems that could have been prevented, had he thought into the future and cared a little more for himself.

A brother who has no family, no wife or kids. No one but you to turn to.

I spent Saturday night at the hospital, worrying about a brother who lay comotose with no explanation why.

I came home to find him unconscious on the floor. No obvious reason why.

First thought is diabetic shock.

Further testing reveals this not to be the true.

As I write this, he is still unconscious in the ICU department at our local hospital. Hopefully, testing will reveal the cause.

Maybe it will reveal more than expected.

Because of this, I ask each and every one of you to evaluate your health and your lifestyle.

See if there are changes that need to be made. And make them!

For you.

For your health.

For quality of life.

For a long life with your loved ones.

And for the ones left to tend to you.

How you live is up to you. The question is simple.

Do you want to live life to the fullest and go out with a bang?

Or, do you want to be left unable to care for yourself? Being taken care of by family, friends or worse yet, by strangers in a nursing home?

Make your choices while you still can. Before you know it, it will be too late to turn back.

And know that I, too, will be making the same evaluations for me AND my family. And changing what needs to be changed.

Here at Twisted Fencepost, I only want the best for each and every one of my cyber friends.

I love you all!

So start your evaluations and get those changes made while you can!


13 comments on “The Question Is Simple

  1. Becky,
    I am so sorry about the loss of your parents so close together like that. I cannot imagine. I’m glad that you have such happy memories of them and are able to share them with all of us.
    I will pray for you as you endure the feelings of sadness that come with this time of year for you and I will also be praying for your brother. That they will be able to find out what’s causing this and that he will have a change of heart and attitude about the way he takes care of himself.

    Love ya sister!

  2. Dear Becky,
    I hope all goes well with your brother and they find what ever the problem was that caused him to black out like that.

    I still have my Mother, thank goodness, we talk everyday, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. My Father died about five years ago, he had Alzheimers the last ten years he was alive. I was never close to my Father, and as bad as it sounds I didn’t miss him when he passed. I do remember looking at him laying in his coffin and thought to myself, why were we all so afraid of him all those years, he’s just a little man. He ruled the roost, believe me. Poor Mom couldn’t do anything without his approval. Well believe me she does now. LOL When she wants to go someplace, she goes, if she wants to buy something she buys it.

    But I know a lady I worked with, was always talking about her Father, and how much she missed him when he passed away. She said she was closer to her Father than she was her Mother. So I would imagine that would make a difference.

    I did miss and still do miss, my sister terribly for quite some time after she died. It did get better as the years went by. It’ will be 26 years this coming May .

    Will keep your brother and you in my prayers.

  3. Losing parents isn’t easy. I lost my Dad almost 13 years ago and I’m crying even as I write this today. I miss that he didn’t get to see me move back closer to home and he get to see my Grandbaby that he would have adored.
    Each day is precious and you’ve given us lots to think about Becky.
    You and your family and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers. I will pray for an answer to come soon.

  4. I hope things turn out O.K. for your brother.
    We lost our Mom 10 years ago & sometimes it is still hard. She was the person you could talk to about anything, she wouldn’t judge you, just let you talk it out & listen to your heart. Sometimes I still talk to her in my mind.

  5. I pray your brother recovers. I think we are all guilty of not taking good care of ourselves as we should. You’ve given us something to think about.

  6. Becky: You must cling closely to the Captain and your family. I know times are tough with the children but keep the faith that things will change. Always remember you have friends who you can always share your life with.

  7. So sorry about your brother, Becky. I know it must be hard for you, but God is in control . . . He knows exactly what the problem is with your borther and with our prayers, it can be revealed to the doctors, if it is His will. I am also sorry about your parents. It is good that you had a good realtionship with them. I lost my Mom on October 2, 1996 and I still miss her and still cry and the emptiness is always felt . . . I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t think of her. My only consolation is that she is in a better place and that I will see her again.

  8. Becky-your words about your parents made me cry. I just can’t imagine life without pap and granny. I know you’ll never get over missing your parents.

    And very wise words concerning your brother’s health. We all sometimes take for granted we’ll be healthy and don’t watch our lifestyles. I so hope he gets better and I’m praying for you all. I can’t imagine the load on your shoulders right now.

  9. Becky I lost my father, who was the light of my life 19 years ago. My mother is still here and although I love her it was my father who nurtured all of us. My heart still aches when I remember how he suffered before he died. Of course losing my daughter was the most painful of all. It still seems like I should wake up from a nightmare and she would be driving up my lane to visit. I once had a friend whose parents both died close in time to each other and she said that she was now an orphan. Those words have stayed with me all my life.

    I am helping take care of my father in law who has late stages Alzheimers. It is so painful to watch this sweet man waste away. My heart aches for you. Please know that we all wish you the best and pray that your brother comes through this.

  10. Amen to that! No one thinks about what they would be leaving for someone else to take care of if they don’t take care of themselves. You have definately left something for all of us who reads this to think about! Luv ya momma!!!!

  11. Oh Becky,

    My heart goes out to you. Two parents so close together. I lost both of mine at the same time, but not really. My mom died to us ten years before her death. My dad died to us then, too. He still lives, and has a new wife now, but he has never been the same person and never will be. The spark is gone. But he IS there.

    And you have the added care of a brother who did not treat himself properly. What I have learned through my own experience is to take care of myself–mentally and physically. My biggest goal is to be useful and present for my kids when they have kids–even though I was almost old enough to be their grandmother when I had them.

    You have so much wisdom in your words. But I have to tell you this. You take it all so valiantly. You bear a lot of burdens, but it doesn’t come out day in and day out. Not that there would be anything wrong with that, but it is clear you choose to live your live to the fullest.

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